Manners or defence?

Strangers will often guess my children are home educated. 

It will be their polite manner, quiet confidence, how they carry themselves and ability to mix in with any group of children which tipped them off I'm later told. 

I am congratulated on our children's deportment frequently. 

I know we are good ambassadors for home education, which so often gets negative attention. 

Yet I worry the same as any other parent in today's society. 

The question parents face today is not what do we need to teach our children today regarding manners and etiquette? 

Instead: What do we need to teach our children today regarding manners and etiquette which is least likely to result in them being verbally or physically abused by others.

I'm finding it a murky minefield. 

Is holding a door open offensive these days? No matter who you offer the sentiment too?

Is it still encouraged to offer your seat up to your elder or someone who clearly would benefit from the seat?

Should my three year old be telling his sisters and mummy that they look gorgeous when we've got dressed in a morning? Because he never fails to compliment us, bless him.

Will an innocent smile and greeting from my children one day end in a stabbing?

They are even more vulnerable being autistic, they are very trusting of others, and will require extra training to be safe in this world. 

Do we teach them to turn the other cheek and respect others? Or will that end in disaster for them?

My dad bless him was a gentleman to the core. No one, no matter who they were, struggled with a door, their shopping, a buggy, or an umbrella with him around. Everyone was greeted with a nod, a smile and a greeting. He would have struggled in today's society. 

It is not easy raising children in today's society...

The teaching of safe words, martial arts and defense against street weapons and predators should not have to take priority over manners.

However what choice are we left with?

I think it will need to be a balance between being physically prepared, and have a healthy caution, and being their naturally loving selves. Not an easy combination when they currently feel like everyone they meet are their new best friends.

Kira introduces herself to any one we meet when we're out, and we are training her not to do this for safety reasons. 

She sees the person approach, and you can tell she's steeling herself. She stops walking, tightens her body, clenched her fists and looks down at the floor. It takes every effort for her not to talk the person. She then relaxes and celebrates that she managed it, but it actually tires her mentally not giving into her natural friendly urge to make friends with everyone.

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